The woman in an emotionally abusive relationship is typically aware of her fear because she’s also typically drowning in it. On the other hand, her abusive narcissistic partner might appear to lack fear of anything. Nonetheless, he’s impacted by fear-whether is aware of this or not. After all, the fear is just operating at an unconscious level. This is why he remains unaware of how it’s driving him.
The narcissistic man may sense that his position of power is tenuous--that it could topple at anytime. What the narcissist fails to realize, however, is that it’s this system which helps to keep the narcissist feeling okay about himself.
How wouls this be so? Well, the prospect of falling from a position of power can seem as ominous as death to those suffering from pathological levels of marcissism. And so, to ensure this doesn’t happen, the narcissist is driven to keep all subjects in line. Needless to say, this includes his wife.
The financially and professionally successful narcissist may cast his wife into a subservient role, expecting her to be little more than his servant. He might treat his children similarly. In the home, the narcissist operates from a personal world view that gives him the right to exercise power over them. The narcissist sees himself as the superior one. Meanwhile, he makes his wife play the lesser than role. By doing so, the narcissist keeps his bad feelings at bay--or successfully squekched. As a result, the narcissist feels good about himself while those in his midst feel miserable.
>p>Has it gotten worse for women marred to these types of men otr not? Why do I ask this question? Because narcissistic men probably can't get their neeeds fulfilled as easily in the workplace as they once did. Thus, they might feel compelled top exercise even more control in the home than they did previously. Remember, some used to be able to act out that "better than" and "power over" role with ease in the workplace. But in recent years, operating from what has been described as positional power isn’t as acceptable and viable as it used to be. In our country today, people expect to be treated as worthy--merely because they’re human being walking the face of this earth. In other words, while previously, many people were socialized to accept "power over" in the work force, many business leaders have recognized a need to shift from this. They’ve realized what the behavioral or social scientists have professed for a long time now: You get the best out of people, or a business can be the most competitive, when employees are empowered versus ruled over and dictated to by the "king and his court."
Needless to say, this change has been difficult for many of the kings out there--those displaying pathological levels of narcissism--to accept. Remember, the narcissistic are in positions of power because they strove hard to attain those positions. Of course, they strove hard to attain them beacuse they love power. Because they fought many a battle to achieve the position, and since they see perceive themselves as warriors anyway, the narcissistic won’t hesitate to go to war to maintain it, either.
Those suffering from pathologcial levels of narcissism only believe in winning. Furthermore, they will use any means to achieve the ends they desire. In their minds, the end always justifies the means. Furthermore, it’s easy for them to do what they see as needing to be done since they basically lack empathy for their fellow man anyway. The Narcissistic do not hesitate to trample others down on their rise to the top.
Remember, narcissists see themselves as superior being. All others on this earth are basically just objects to be used for their personal gain. As long as a person has value to the narcissist,he might treat the individual decently. But once the person has served his purpose to the narcissist, the person is tossed aside with no feelings of remorse or sympathy for any personal hardship or pain this might cause. EXcept why should such things bother the narcissist? Remember, the narcissistic lack empathy. They are often described as lacking consciences, too.
>P>Those suffering from pathologcail levels of narcissism are men into success—which in turn is measured in dollars. They seek power so they might gain more money, so they might attain more power, and so on and so on. The narcissists amongst us believe that by attaining enough of both, they can exercise total control of their world—if not the universe itself.
Narcissists are people who never seem to overcome a sense of inner emptiness and a feeling of not being enough—or that anything is ever enough to bring them a sense of satisfaction. Most will be forever driven to achieve more power and money yet--no matter how much they have.
While many of us who do not suffer from pathologcial levels of narcissism might believe that we would want to lat such an approach to life aside--to perhaps seek out therapy to accomplish thos goal--the narcissistic typically never feel the need to change. But then,they are the people that so many admire and emulate, isn' that so?
Typically, that's what the narcissistic think or believe.Why is this so? Because in truth, many of them actually envious other people who aren't like them. And indeed, they project onto others what is happening for them--even if they aren't conscious of what is indeed happening. Due to projection, they are convinced that others are envious of them.
Remember, despite the fact that narcisasists see most people as objects to be used for their own purposes, tthere are always some people they can envy because invariably, no one has it all. For example, while a narcissist may have attained more power and money than others, for example, he might envy others their athletic abilities, for example.
The narcissist may create an elaborate and gorgeous stages on which to play out his life. And indeed, this is basically what it is—acting. The narcissist's heart isn't really into what he is doing because he has no heart to give.
At the end of his life, the curtain may fall down on a life that others may have envied because it all looked so good. Still, to the narcissist, it failed to provide the desired rewards and happiness.
During the course of his life, a narcissist may never admit his level of discontent. Indeed, he won't let the mask slip. however, the unhappiness of the narcissist's emotionally and verbally abused wife and his emotionally and verbally abused children should attest to the fact it was not a life well lived.
Though he may have always lacked this level of awareness, even at the end of his life, the narcissist missed out on joy and inner contentment because he lived his life spiritually bankrupt.
Besides writing on narcissism, addictions, and abuse, Diane England also writes on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD. If you know of someone whose partner is displaying PTSD, addictions, and abuse--since we often see this trio exist together, too--do that person a favor and buy him or her The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Relationship today. It has been designated one of the "Best Books of 2009" by theLibrary Journal.
Universities, nonprofit organizations, churches, psychotherapists, physicians, support groups, and others seeking to purchase quantities of this book at a discount should contact Customer Service at F&W Media by calling 800-289-0963.