|
An
Article from NarcissismAddictionsAbuse.com
A
Website from Benefiting Women, LLC.
Examples
of article topics include the nacissistic &
narcissism,the alcoholic & alcoholism, drug addiction, sex or
sexual addiction including pornography addiction, emotional
abuse,
verbal abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, symptoms of depression
& depression
treatment, anxiety, eating disorders including bulimia &
anorexia
nervosa, codependency, plus how to find pain relief & joy
through
self-improvement or personal
development, spirituality & spiritual growth, & living
a more
purposeful life by listening to your inner wisdom & embracing
personal power.
Secrets of a
Formerly Miserable Wife
Author
Diane
England, Ph.D. has the credentials you expect, plus she has
empathy and speaks from the heart because she has
been there, too.
“The
Arrival of the Not-so-White Knight”
When you think
back to those early days
with your perhaps now narcissistic and abusive husband, could you
hardly
believe how fortunate you were? Did you think your dreams had finally
come
true?
You
might have
thought you'd met the perfect man. Oh sure, there might have been a few
red
flags waving, but you certainly didn't see them. He probably came on
strong and
made you feel wonderful about yourself. In fact, did he want to see you
all the
time? He also might have taken you to great places and even showered
you with flowers
and expensive gifts. You might have thought the gifts were
inappropriate for
the amount of time you'd been together. However, didn't he have some
good
reasons why it made perfect sense for him to give them to you, as well
as for
you to accept them?
He
might have
seemed like the White Knight because he wanted to help you tackle the
various
problems you faced. You noticed how he seemed to empathize with your
concerns
and worries. In other words, he likely seemed unique, different from
the other
men you'd known.
And
perhaps best of all, he made you feel so very special.
Falling in love
can be wonderful and a heady experience anyway. But when your love
interest is
a charming and successful narcissistic man who presents that image of
the White
Knight or Prince you've fantasized about since childhood, well, it can
make it impossible
for you to see and think straight.
That's
probably exactly how he wanted it, too.
Because
you were
swept off your feet and so enthralled, you missed those red flags that
others,
likely friends and family who truly do love you and care about you and
want you
to forever be happy, tried to warn you about. But undoubtedly, you
wouldn't
hear a word of it.
Perhaps
the happy
times are now but distant memories. Then again, maybe these days were
more
recent? Thus, you can't quite believe they're over, either.
Nevertheless, if
anxiety and pain have become regular unwelcome guests, you probably are
living
with a narcissist who's showing his true colors.
He
won your heart
and your commitment to him. Now, he only needs to keep you in line, to
ensure
he keeps getting what he wants. And one way to do this is by keeping
you off
balance. It makes you keep trying harder to please him. But as you've
been
learning, you really can't anyway.
See,
these men
displaying narcissism don't perceive things as we women typically do.
They
share a different world view. Actually, they are into power over
others. They
are into being better than others. They are into living life by the
Golden
Rule, except they define it differently from you and me. Do you know
what it
is? I didn't, so I assume you might not, either. So here it is now: He
who
makes the gold makes the rules.
And
I expected a partnership. Silly me.
I'll
go into why
these men believe what they do and behave as they do in a later post.
For now,
you need to start absorbing this reality. After all, it affects your
current
reality. Furthermore, it's also why your life with him is not going to
change
unless he changes. Well, and that means getting him to develop new
beliefs that
promote new behaviors. Except these work so well for him, and in more
ways than
you might imagine. That's also why he probably isn't going to make any
changes.
Of course, that
doesn't mean that you can't change. Furthermore, I'm hoping you
ultimately see
the benefit in doing exactly that.
This article
first appeared on a
blog signed as:
Diane
England, Ph.D.
The Blog Doctor on Narcissism
who Understands
Providing Information for Women
Needing Emotional Pain Relief
Because of His Narcissism,
Addictions, and Abuse
Disclaimer:
This
how-to and self-help relationship advice and information for women
about
narcissism, addictions and abuse should be considered educational or
inspirational—a guide or directory to things to consider and
inform questions to
ask a professional you contact for sound advice. It is not a substitute
for
marriage counseling, individual therapy, or legal advice. Women coping
with
domestic violence such as emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and/or sexual
abuse—even
where no physical abuse is present—are encouraged to seek
professional help for
treatment of depression, anxiety, self esteem, and other likely
associated
issues.
©
2007, Benefiting Women, LLC.
All
material at www.NarcissismAddictionsAbuse
is copyrighted. Feel free to duplicate and distribute this article for
noncommercial and educational purposes, though we require it remain
completely
intact as laid out, from the header to the bottom of this copyright
notice. No
article may be placed on a website without permission. If you have a
website
that attracts women who could benefit from the information at this
site, please
link to it.
Meta-description
tag:
Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, narcissistic,
narcissist,
personality disorders, mental illnesses, mental disorders, emotional
abuse,
verbal abuse, verbally abusive relationship, emotionally abusive
relationship, abused woman, domestic violence, codependency,
co-dependency, codependent, codependent no more, addictions,
alcoholism, alcoholic, spirituality, pain relief, depression, self
help, relationship advice.
|