Are you finding it harder and harder to dismiss your husband’s verbal abuse? Perhaps it has become so painful now that you can’t allow what he says to roll off your back? Also, are you less inclined to believe him when he states that you’re the problem—because you’re too sensitive, for example? You may be seriously considering that, just because he relies upon verbal abuse alone, that doesn’t mean that you aren’t living in the midst of an abusive relationship.
If you’re ready for validation that you’re seeing things correctly, you'll want to investigate a book I’ve recommended to women for years. Actually, when I was overseas and working as a civilian clinical social worker for the military in domestic violence prevention, I mentioned “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” by Patricia Evans to colleagues who weren’t aware of this helpful book. They ended up buying multiple copies for the office—after I struggled to get back my two copies that they kept loaning out to clients.
From my experience with women in verbally abusive relationships who seemed to want to deny the truth about what they were facing—who minimized it because what they faced was not physical abuse—this self-help book does the best job of opening their eyes of any of them out there. I’ve seen a number of verbally abused women live with the butterflies of anxiety constantly swirling in their stomachs, and yet these were not sufficient to make these women decide that there was indeed something wrong with their relationships--to cause this ongoing anxiety in the first place. But again, what was said in “The Verbally Abusive Relationship,” certainly hit home.
“Oh, my husband does that and that and that,” I might have heard a woman say as she scanned pages of this book.
“My boyfriend put me down just the other day, and believe it or not, he used almost the exact same words,” another may have exclaimed with disbelief wrapped around her words.
How could Patricia Evans write a book that basically tells it like it is, providing scenarios that you’re only too familiar with, complete with dialogue that you could have written yourself? Patricia Evans could write “The Verbally Abusive Relationship” because abusive men make much ado about the same type of things. Yes, this is true despite the fact your boyfriend or spouse would have you believe that other men don’t deal with anything like what you put him through! Also, abusive men almost always say the exact same things. This means they often use the same swear or cuss words while they denigrate your character, for example. So, that’s why when you read “The Verbally Abusive Relationship,” you may wonder if Patricia Evans had hidden cameras at your house where by she recorded every putdown your partner ever made. And that’s also why, as you reas this book, you’ll swear these men attended abuse school--that they were all forced to memorize the same text.
Personally, when I first read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship," I was indeed shocked. There was one scenario presented that I'd experienced with my verbally abusive husband that I’d believed was probably not a particularly common one. Nevertheless, all I had to do was change one word, and it could have been a direct quote from my narcissistic and verbally abusive husband. See, at the time, my spouse apparently wanted me to feel guilty for attending to my course work for the Ph.D. I was pursuing, versus attending to the upkeep of our house constantly. To listen to him, you'd think that if I didn’t make this house’s care my daily focus, this recently remodeled structure, that was only than thirty-years-old anyway, was going to collapse around me as I typed away at my keyboard. But of course, that didn't happen because I was quite capable of attending to both tasks. And, quite frankly, doing both well was important to me. In f act, the appearance of our house was about as important to me as doing well at school because I’d always loved interior decorating as much as I liked studying and writing about human behavior.
Through reading “The Verbally Abusive Relationship,” or Evan’s follow-up book base on letters she later received from verbal abuse survivors, you'll realize that your partner talks the way he does to you because indeed, he is an abusive man. Furthermore, the odds are that he won’t change. However, you might change from living with him and enduring all that verbal abuse. You can’t help it. Living in such a toxic environment can come to change your brain. You could even develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) as the result of living with a verbally abusive narcissist.
If you’ve been allowing those butterflies to swirl in your stomach day after day while you listen to your partner put you down, do yourself a favor and buy this book immediately. Somehow, I suspect you won’t come to regret it. Instead, you’ll be able to become unstuck—to take action to free yourself of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. In other words, you will find the will and the way to reclaim your personal power and your life. And frankly, this will be a very good thing.
There are Links to "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" as well as other books that might prove helpful with issues you face due to your partner's narcissism, addictions, and abuse located at the webpage identified as self-help books. Why not check it out now--by clicking on the link that's third down on the listing of links to the left, or third to the right at the bottom of this page.